Remember when the media would call her fat? and yell crazy mean things to her? Remember that? And I say "we" because more likely than not you've clicked on an article or two about her weight gain, meaning you've supported this in some way. Side note: the media is still calling her fat because she hasn't lost the baby weight yet. I'll admit that I too looked at some pictures of her and thought "Man! she's gained weight" or "why is she wearing that?" (let's be honest, some of her outfits were.... questionable) but that was the old me. The skinny me. The non-pregnant me.
For the first time in my life, I want to give Kim Kardashian a hug and tell her that I'm sorry. I always thought it was easy to have a "thin pregnancy" but boy was I wrong. SO WRONG. So wrong it hurts to write. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, both physically and mentally. And if I were a celebrity like Kim Kardashain then I most definitely would have turned into 2007 Britney Spears. Throwing umbrellas at the camera, shaving my head, and wearing the worst extensions to the MTV music awards... all while pregnant.
One of the hardest things for me to comprehend is my changing body. And when I mean changing, I mean BIG changes. Like who's hips are these? and since when have I needed a bigger bra? It's not a gradual change either. Every morning I notice something different, something bigger, and something I'm not used to. I get it. I'm pregnant and I'm literally growing a human being in my lower abdomen. But that 2-3 oz human being is adding a lot more than 2-3 oz to my body.
Just to clarify, I'm not complaining about gaining weight. I know that my body is making sure that I deliver a healthy baby in 5 months. But I'm a woman and I'll admit I compare my body to other women. Specifically, pregnant women. More specifically, the pregnant women who gain practically nothing, workout morning and night, and who are having the time of their life.
If you're one of those women.... I can't stand you. I'm swimming in a pool of jealousy wishing I could have your body. I want your hair, your skin, your small arms. I want it all! And here's what's awful, you can't help it, just like I can't help the fact that my skinny jeans don't fit anymore. We're all in the same boat, I'm just the angry one that no one wants to hang out with. I'm mad thinking I would always have an awesome body during pregnancy. I'm mad at these changes. I'm mad that I'm mad.
hormones.
THIS IS HARD. MENTALLY HARD. And Pinterest doesn't make it ANY easier.
I mean, you're cute and all but I don't like you right now.
I need to stop. I need to stop comparing myself to these women because WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT. I used to say it all the time when I would CrossFit and compare myself to other CrossFitters. We all workout at a different pace, none of us lift the same. Our bodies are not the same. Our metabolisms are not the same. Our hair is not the same. Our skin is not the same. Our pregnancies ARE NOT THE SAME. Plain and simple.
I need to look at the bigger picture. Who cares about my body? One person and that person weighs 2-3 oz and is the size of a orange. That person will also enter this world loving me unconditionally. I'm all he/she will have ever known and it'll need me more than ever. It's not going to be concerned with my love handles, flabby arms, or stretch marks. It won't care how many pounds I've packed on, what size jeans I'm wearing, or that skinny pregnant girl over there who's rocking her short shorts and sports bra. WHO... CARES.... no one who matters, that's who.
Listen Kim K. we can get through this together. No need to give statements about your weight, you need to stop defending your body from people who have no idea what it's like. I look up to you and the way you handled yourself over 9 months. There's no way I could rock some of those outfits you put on. I realize you don't have the best reputation when it comes to marriage or making... videos... but your pregnancy reputation is amazing. You are my pregnancy role model, and you've helped me realize that I can get through this too (minus the paparazzi.)
Max! You look beautiful. You're just hyper-aware of the changes. It's nice to write and vent it out! You're gorgeous!!!! Keep reminding yourself that objects in the mirror might not be what they appear. Our minds have body dysmorphia.
ReplyDeleteI know you are as beautiful as ever! I gained 40 lbs my first pregnancy and I am on track to gain at least that this time! I have struggled both times with feeling self-conscious because I am not used to battling weight gain when I am not pregnant. The other night, though, I was coconut oiling my huge belly and thighs, and my husband told me that he loves it when I am pregnant. He said "You're so beautiful." It was so sweet and sincere and came just at the right moment--just as I was thinking I have got to cool it on the peppermint patties and whole milk! We definitely judge ourselves too harshly. My skin also breaks out like crazy with the pregnancy hormones and I am pretty sure my feet are permanently bigger...Anyway, try to enjoy the ride! You'll get back on track after baby. :)
ReplyDeleteMax, this is so on point. Pregnancy is harder mentally than physically in my opinion. (and Oliver's head was HUGE!)
ReplyDeleteMax, you are absolutely gorgeous whether you gain 5 lbs or 50 lbs. It is so hard to not compare your body to others, I totally understand that! I still hold a grudge against moms who can fit back into their pre-pregnancy jeans because I can't. Yes, I lost my pregnancy weight gain.. but unfortunately bones can't shrink back to where they used to be ha ha. Pregnancy isn't easy, especially the changes that happen to our body.. Embrace them though, because you are creating a little miracle ♥
ReplyDeletegreat post Max. this is so hard but honestly you look beuatiful. not just saying that.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I did one similar to this when I started seeing the changes to my body. I was so used to working out every day, lifting weights and all. I had abs for goodness sake. But once I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to take it easy in fear something would go wrong in the pregnancy. I am just now getting back into my fitness classes but it is not the same. gaining weight and seeing these new hips and bigger thighs is one of the hardest things for me too. My boyfriend tries to be supportive but I know I look different and it's scary honestly. I try not to compare myself to other pregnant girls but I do it all the time too so you're not alone. keep your head up and just know you are creating the most beautiful thing in the world and feel like that you are able to do this when do many people can't. That's what I do!
ReplyDeleteThis post is amazing. Your second to last paragraph is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant and find myself beating myself up about body image. But your words are absolutely on point. Thanks for this post!! :)
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